Howling V: Rebirth is kinda of like Agatha Christie attempting to write a werewolf story. After having a stroke. And suffering from narcolepsy. And really having to pee. Basically, it’s a Ten Little Indians plot, but instead of someone being a murderer, someone is a werewolf. Which actually sounds like it should be amazing, and someone else should really take a crack at that story idea. Instead, we have any exhaustively boring mess of a movie comprised of boring people talking about boring things spiced up by the occasional long take of drifting snow. Even more occasionally, you get a shot of what may be a werewolf. It’s hard to tell; for a movie about werewolves, it may have the least amount of werewolf footage ever put on film. Including in movies that are not about werewolves. Seriously, take a look at the trailer below. The ratio of werewolf to not-werewolf footage in the trailer is actually larger than that of the film itself. I wish I was joking.